My History v/s My Longing
I was born to do this! I have been working towards this point throughout my whole life and dedicated my whole career to this subject. Still it scares the shit out of me!
What is really so scary about standing in my full potential and being seen in it? The fear of not being good enough? The fear of being judged? The fear of failure? The fear of success? The fear of change?
Probably all of them and more…
Last week I was leading a workshop on this theme in collaboration with a dear friend of mine, Sofia. As the workshop went along, I was doing the exercises too. Didn´t really have any expectations that I would find much, since I was leading the workshop and have so much experience from personal development….HAHAHA! Hilarious!!! Did you hear that?! What fool am I? Did I actually believe that even for a second?
Well, if I did now I am grateful I was proven wrong. No, I am not immune of fear, I do not have all my shit worked out.
The theme that came clear was the fear of being seen “out there”, not being in control of what others sees and thinks about me and what I do, being judged, being a disappointment, being the fool. Looking at this fear from within a loving and supporting place deep inside, I realized this fear really springs from My old history, the roles that I play because I know them so well. They are basically carved out into my soul through experiences of fear and failure, and it keeps me from my hearts longing.
That is it! It is the only thing that stands in the way of living my dream and sharing it with the world. An old history covered in dry moss; the story that I must be this and that and do this and that before I have the right to raise my voice. That it got to be perfect before sharing. That I got to be perfect and better than everybody else before showing myself.
But the beauty of this clear seeing was that suddenly it all seemed so easily solved: What I am now is unique and enough. Where I am now is a perfect place to share. Where my longing goes is where I am heading. I am ready to fail again. And I will always be allowed to keep a room just for me…
Thank you, me.